Wednesday, December 17, 2008

December 2008-The Day We Got The News

Steven and I were on our way to Shand's hospital to have our level 2 ultrasound. We were told there may be something wrong after my doctor had found that I had polyhydramios & Caleb had hydrocephalus. We were concerned but thought that we may be faced with a child with Down's Syndrome or we would have to put a shunt in his head from the excess fluid. We thought we could handle anything they told us...that we would love our son no matter what. During the ultrasound we noticed that our new doctor was focusing on Caleb's heart. I looked at Steven and thought ok he has a heart condition. Everytime I asked something the doctor said we'll discuss it when the test is done. He left the room in which seemed like an eternity. He returned and said that we will also be meeting with a Genetics counselor. Little did we know what we were about to embark on. Dr. Richards sat down in front of us and said it isn't good. That our son has Trisomy 18. He started to explain what that meant since neither Steven nor I had ever heard of it. My heart sank. I asked how do we fix it. Then he said our son is incompatible with life. The breath left me and I just wanted to run. I looked over to Steven and he just grabbed me. I begged him to please tell me how to make him better. There was nothing. He said that Caleb may not even make it to term and if he did that he may only live for moments. I once again turned to look at Steven and his head was on the table, he was crying like I've never seen him cry. We left there thinking how are we going to tell our family, friends our children. Then our journey begins.

We called our parents on the way home from the doctors office. It was probably the longest ride home. I don't think they could comprehend the was just too much. My stepson Corey had a Christmas play that same evening. We had to somehow pull it together, we needed to be able to support Corey, he had a lead part in the play. I sat there watching him, he was so wonderful. Tears just kept rolling from my eyes. Steven's parents were there too...we all had to somehow put on a happy face even though our hearts were broken. When we got home we had to tell our boys. We didn't want them to be afraid because daddy & I were crying so much. Devin just yelled please no Jesus, please don't take my baby brother. He fell into his daddy's arms and cried. Corey sat there, he just looked like he was in shock. I wondered how we would make it but God made it clear that He would carry us through this.

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