Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A mother's heart

I guess today is one of those days....feeling sad, jealous, angry and guilty for feeling like this. I know I will have these days. I look at my precious baby boy and I wonder why I can't have a lifetime with him. I don't care if you ever walk..I'll carry you wherever you want or need to go. I don't care if you ever talk...I can look in your eyes or listen to your laugh or to your cries and know what you are feeling. I don't care if my every waking moment is spent caring for you as long as I can just have you to hold. People tell me that I should feel blessed because I've had more time with Caleb than I ever imagined. If you knew that tomorrow was possibly the last time you would ever see your child...would you be ok with that? I know I am blessed but I have a mother's heart and I want more tomorrows. You have hope that your child will live a long long life. My hope is to have one more moment. I'm not mad at God....I'm just mad. The bad days are hard but the good days are even harder...because I don't know why my son has to go through this. I know God will reveal that to me one day...maybe not this side of Heaven but someday. I can never kiss you enough my son, I can never hold you enough or smell your tiny little head enough. You are so precious to me and my heart aches because I cannot fix what is broken...but I promise you I will give you all the love that I have....you have stolen this mother's heart.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Happy 10th month Birthday

I can't believe that we are celebrating Caleb's 10th month birthday. He is absolutely amazing. I pray we have many many more. You are so loved little man...

I think Caleb was more interested in the ceiling fan!

Trisomy 18 ....

"Trisomy 18 is more common than muscular dystrophy, juvenile diabetes, breast cancer & cystic fibrosis. But because so many of these children are lost so very young, their deaths are often invisible."

I am Mighty hear me ROAR!

sssshhh, you have to really listen to hear..it's sounds like he's tooting but he's growling. He has been practicing and is really determined. I'm so proud of him.....

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Cuddle time

Just hangin' with Daddy......

Got my voice back

Caleb hadn't been feeling well and lost his voice because of a cold. I missed hearing him. But then all of a sudden he woke up and had so much to say. Listen til' the end...just when you think it's over..... :)