I guess today is one of those days....feeling sad, jealous, angry and guilty for feeling like this. I know I will have these days. I look at my precious baby boy and I wonder why I can't have a lifetime with him. I don't care if you ever walk..I'll carry you wherever you want or need to go. I don't care if you ever talk...I can look in your eyes or listen to your laugh or to your cries and know what you are feeling. I don't care if my every waking moment is spent caring for you as long as I can just have you to hold. People tell me that I should feel blessed because I've had more time with Caleb than I ever imagined. If you knew that tomorrow was possibly the last time you would ever see your child...would you be ok with that? I know I am blessed but I have a mother's heart and I want more tomorrows. You have hope that your child will live a long long life. My hope is to have one more moment. I'm not mad at God....I'm just mad. The bad days are hard but the good days are even harder...because I don't know why my son has to go through this. I know God will reveal that to me one day...maybe not this side of Heaven but someday. I can never kiss you enough my son, I can never hold you enough or smell your tiny little head enough. You are so precious to me and my heart aches because I cannot fix what is broken...but I promise you I will give you all the love that I have....you have stolen this mother's heart.
"Trisomy 18 is more common than muscular dystrophy, juvenile diabetes, breast cancer & cystic fibrosis. But because so many of these children are lost so very young, their deaths are often invisible."
