Our First Vacation

We got to make some wonderful memories, one's we can cherish a lifetime. It is scary to leave our comfort zone..afraid of the unknown. But we have to live and allow the boys to be children. They have had to grow up way too fast. It was great for us all to play & be kids again. And for Caleb to experience things I never thought he would. There are no words that can express how great this vacation was. How perfect it all was. God I'm sending you a great big hug..just wait til' we meet face to face :) I love our family, nomatter what the future holds, the here and now is breath taking.

Celebration!

We had Caleb's 1st birthday party today at our church. It was amazing. There were so many people there to celebrate Caleb's miraculous life. Caleb was so cute in his little bow tie outfit. He knew he was the king of the party! We had a Noah's Ark bounce house for the older kids. We wanted Corey and Devin to not feel left out. They so often have to do without because our time is occupied caring for Caleb. They have been so loving and understanding. This party was for them to celebrate as well. Thank you God for Caleb and our wonderful family. We are blessed beyond words.

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Happy 1st Birthday!!!

What an amazing day..this time last year we were at the hospital waiting to see our precious baby boy..so uncertain of what was going to happen. We had family, friends and Pastor Mike waiting anxiously there with us. I remember being in the OR & all of a sudden hearing the most beautiful sound, Caleb's cry. Steven j...ust cried, looked at me & said "he's alive". He was so beautiful, so perfect. We were so anxious bc we kept wondering with each and every breath he took if it was going to be his last. But he fought with every bit of life he had. God has blessed us beyond words & today we are celebrating his miraculous first year of life. With God ANYTHING is possible. He has guided us & held us so tightly through this journey. He has brought so many wonderful people in our lives. I am so grateful to the other t18 families who we've gotten to know & love. Thank you to all our family & friends who have been right here with us..we love you all so very much. Happy Birthday my sweet Little Mouse

My Valentine's

We had a good time taking pictures for Valentine's Day. Caleb just thought it was a good idea to keep falling asleep!

My First Valentine's Day

He's stolen our hearts

A mother's heart

I guess today is one of those days....feeling sad, jealous, angry and guilty for feeling like this. I know I will have these days. I look at my precious baby boy and I wonder why I can't have a lifetime with him. I don't care if you ever walk..I'll carry you wherever you want or need to go. I don't care if you ever talk...I can look in your eyes or listen to your laugh or to your cries and know what you are feeling. I don't care if my every waking moment is spent caring for you as long as I can just have you to hold. People tell me that I should feel blessed because I've had more time with Caleb than I ever imagined. If you knew that tomorrow was possibly the last time you would ever see your child...would you be ok with that? I know I am blessed but I have a mother's heart and I want more tomorrows. You have hope that your child will live a long long life. My hope is to have one more moment. I'm not mad at God....I'm just mad. The bad days are hard but the good days are even harder...because I don't know why my son has to go through this. I know God will reveal that to me one day...maybe not this side of Heaven but someday. I can never kiss you enough my son, I can never hold you enough or smell your tiny little head enough. You are so precious to me and my heart aches because I cannot fix what is broken...but I promise you I will give you all the love that I have....you have stolen this mother's heart.

Happy 10th month Birthday

I can't believe that we are celebrating Caleb's 10th month birthday. He is absolutely amazing. I pray we have many many more. You are so loved little man...

I think Caleb was more interested in the ceiling fan!