I will look for you in all of God's beautiful creations, when the trees blow, when it rains, in our butterfly garden, when we see a rainbow and in my dreams. I will wait until we can be together again for eternity...you will always be my forever Valentine. I redid Caleb's Valentine video to include both of the Valentine's that he spent with us.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
This is Caleb's 1st Heavenly Valentine's Day. We use to decorate a tree each holiday/season for Caleb..he loved lights. Now we decorate his special areas. Especially his Memorial place (it is a memory box & urn, the urn is in the bottom of the case. I love it because I can decorate it and make it extra special). He's always with us
Saturday, December 31, 2011
We had a good night having a picnic in the middle of the living room, watching Gomer Pyle movies and then lighting off some fireworks. Daddy bought a bunch of fireworks to make this New Years extra special for Devin...the whole night was just for him...whatever he wanted to do. Corey was visiting with his mother this New Years. Wish he was able to be here with us, but we can do it again next year :)
It seemed like it was just yesterday that we were celebrating New Years....one with our Caleb. It's hard to imagine that he has been gone for 4 months. Caleb was so missed this holiday season...but then again he is missed everyday. Not a moment goes by that he isn't thought of. I have heard from many people that they wish me a better year this year. And I know that they say this because they care for us and want the best for our family. But I truly loved last year. Even with Caleb passing away. There were so many wonderful moments. He celebrated his 2nd birthday, we went on vacations, we took walks, snuggled, and just spent time loving and laughing with each other. I wouldn't trade one moment. And even during his last moments on this earth, as I laid my hand on his chest feeling every breath he took...I wouldn't wish that moment to go away...I'd do anything to have that moment again..to have that last nap. We cherished every moment and even through the heartache, we had many blessings, many memories, so much happiness. May God Bless all my family and friends, keeping their families safe, healthy and blessing them with wonderful memories to last a lifetime. Cherish each moment, they are too precious. Happy New Year!!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Today has been a very tough day. I think it has really hit me that Caleb won't be here with us this Christmas. I just couldn't stop crying. We went to Christmas Eve service at church. I couldn't breathe. I remember Caleb moving to the music last year...doing his very best Stevie Wonder. I loved sharing these beautiful moments with Caleb, with our family, with our friends. I cried through the whole service, but that was ok, because I was surrounded by so many people who care for us & love us. They have walked beside us in our journey. We are so Blessed with the gift of family and amazing friendships. There are so many heavy hearts this season. So many lil' ones gone too soon. I pray for all these beautiful families. God Bless you all......
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
During our speech in Philadelphia, we mentioned how Caleb was surrounded by friends and family before he went into the arms of Jesus. We sang "You are my sunshine". Our son Devin, use to sing this to Caleb so often. After we were done speaking, Gianna Jessen, who was also speaking at the Pro-Life Conference asked if she could sing this song in honor of Caleb. We were so touched and happily said "OF COURSE :)". Gianna's story is absolutely amazing too. She is a beautiful person with the sweetest spirit. Danielle Rose, who travels the world as a Music Missionary joined Gianna in singing.....what an honor it was to have these Godly women sing to our precious son Caleb. They are the kind of women that you want to hang out with....always. Getting to know them brought us so much peace and healing. There aren't enough thank you's to express how much it meant to Steven and I.
"........ coming from an orphan's background, it was the most amazing thing to watch a father weep for love of his son. i have never seen that, we hugged each other." This is part of a post that Gianna made on her page that day. We cannot express how much this meant to Steven. Often father's are left in the background and people forget that they hurt too. Thank you so much Gianna.
Steven & I were asked to speak at a Pro-life conference in Philadelphia. We were honored to be asked to be a part of such a wonderful event. However, we weren't sure that we were ready to make this trip. It is still so new in our grieving for our precious son. But when we saw the title of the conference we knew that this could only be orchestrated by God "Born This Way? Made This Way...Wonderfully (Psalm 139)" Psalm 139 is what we used in all of Caleb's parties, Celebration of Life, etc. And how often are you asked to go across country to speak at a conference, especially by a caring and compassionate Dr.? So we did. We met some of the most amazing people. I would like to think that this conference was about making a difference in other people lives...and we pray that we touched even one person. But I truly think this was more about us this time. God knew we were struggling in this part of our grieving process. Lots of doubts, lots of questions and a lot of saddness. He brought these amazing people into our lives that were part of the conference...it was like God brought them together and we were surrounded by this huge hug. For that we are so grateful. I have much more to write about...so much more to share...but for now I will share the video of us speaking. I will tell you that I had this whole speech prepared in my head on what to say...but before we went on, they played the video of Caleb. Steven & I lost it. So when we went up to speak, I just had to throw everything out the window and speak from the heart. It was so hard because our hearts are still in a million pieces.....but we also knew we were surrounded by so many amazing people that were there to support us...and each other. I am especially proud of Steven for getting up and speaking....this I know was hard for him. But he did a beautiful job....I am blessed to be walking hand in hand with him in this journey. We continue the healing process. I will write more on our experiences on this trip...sharing more videos & pictures. We are so incredibly blessed.